There can be light when the tunnel appears very dark.
I haven't written anything personally on my eating disorder for a few years now. I have made this update and judge it appropriate to post here. I am a Christian and will mention this in this post about me as it is important and a part of my life as well. I am also diagnosed with autism as well as anorexia nervosa.
This is a Lazarus story of its own
I have had an eating disorder since 14. I am 51 now which was largely caused by the state of the world and my personality which was very driven.
My
situation was adversely affected by COVID and unfortunately too many people
with eating disorders were also adversely affected during this period as well.
I lost an upcoming job that I was in training for during COVID. The job changed so much to
meet COVID changes, that it became unrecognisable so I left. My dream voluntary job as a hospital chaplain became suspended for several years too in the NHS, National Health Service.
I had several medical conditions as well and my eating disorder was determined
as severe and enduring pretty much last stage in April 2023.
The decision was reached and I entered end stage treatment. It was expected
that I would not get out. Family visited me and cried by my bedside and I
couldn’t get myself up and was lifted by hoists. Flowers were given and
said to symbolise that I am passing over and my dad discarded the gesture. I was
without breathes for a short while and my dad does a better recount on this
than me. I also had some seizures during this time.
Members of several church communities were praying for me at the same time and
people.
My BMI was well beyond life threatening.
Something happened in that third week and what I can tell you. I do not know
for I have no memory from this time but
an intervention from others had a part to play for sure. My family some members
would visit and perhaps it stirred something in me to.
I started awakening and started eating and drinking quite out of it and later was
discharged to a medical hospital now fit enough to do so, Queen’s hospital in
Romford.
Now I am going to cut to today. It has been an up down ride and you know it is
not perfect today.
Now who would have thought this and this is why I am posting. Now that position
I wanted has become available again in my area two years on as a hospital
Chaplain volunteer. I have been discharged from the eating disorders outpatient
team back to GP management again in January 2025. I am giving this a go now.
The interview has not been done yet, but still it is incredible that I am going
back to that when I was not expected to leave that place.
I have thought about the damage it did to me. My case is not the first case I
have heard of eating disorder people leaving end stage treatment/palliative.
I arrived home after Queen's hospital and the expectation for me moved to encompass
more of a quality of life approach which is self led and was confirmed through
a meeting with a rector at church and my eating disorders team. I think me
having a faith as some research as showed having a faith can be a positive or
negative benefactor in eating disorders helped to.
In this case I think it acted as positive benefactor in helping at least to motivate
me and those around me to not give up.
I don’t know why I got it, it wasn’t my time it seems and I have had several eating
disorder admissions in my lifetime and have gone through this. On ending this,
I would say try not to worry about milestones too much, they will pass and I am
saying this as historically they have concerned me too much. It can and does get better. Thank you for the excellent team that stood by me, my eating disorders team and the professionals in the hospice, hospital, my GP to and thank you to my family and to my spiritual family.
I liked this article below how somebody decided to fight for life and not go to palliative.
https://themighty.com/topic/anorexia-nervosa/journey-anorexia-nervosa-palliative-care-stay-alive
I wish you all well
Edited to add: 30th April 2025
Just to let you know I have been accepted as a hospital Chaplain volunteer my
dream voluntary job and have started training and look forward to starting work
and today I am soaring high and my parents are happy with my progress.
Edited to add :07th August 2026
My job changed to an OT volunteer to get more experience and I am on holiday for the summer. I do some other spiritual adviser training for work from home for the Anglican church coming up in November. I did get my notes from end life care and so having my notes adjusted this story because I had them to know more about what happened.