There can be light when the tunnel appears very dark.
I haven't written anything personally on my eating disorder for a few years now. I have made this update and judge it appropriate to post here. I am a Christian and will mention this in this post about me as it is important and a part of my life as well. I am also diagnosed with autism.
Below is my updated post and I have added some attachements
This is a Lazarus story of its own
I have had an eating disorder since 14. I am 51 now which was largely caused by sin in the world and my personality which was very driven. I am a Christian and have been pretty much all my life. I am not perfect, but I do try and I love my faith. I haven’t been a perfect church attender all my life due to illness largely, but the last number of years I have been going to church regularly since I was discharged from treatment for anorexia.
My situation was
adversely affected by COVID and unfortunately too many people with
eating disorders were also adversely affected during this period as
well. My dream voluntary job became suspended for several years in the
NHS, National Health Service.
I had several medical conditions as well and my eating disorder was determined as severe and enduring pretty much last stage.
The
decision was reached and I entered end stage treatment. It was expected
that I would not get out. Family visited me and cried by my bedside and
I couldn’t get myself up and was lifted by hoists. I fell into a sleep
and wasn’t expected to awake. Family were called that I am within hours.
Flowers were given and said to symbolise that I am passing over and my
dad discarded the gesture. I was without breathes and my dad does a
better recount on this than me.
Members of several church
communities were praying for me at the same time and people. This was
intercessory prayer for others working at its most potent.
My BMI was well beyond life threatening.
Something
happened in that third week and what I can tell you. I do not know for I
was sleeping but an intervention from others had a part to play for
sure, I woke up again and later was discharged to a medical hospital,
Queen’s hospital in Romford.
Now I am going to cut to today. It has been an up down ride and you know it is not perfect today and my faith is stronger.
Now
who would have thought this and this is why I am posting. Now that
position I wanted has become available again in my area two years on as a
hospital Chaplain volunteer and I haven’t been for the interview. I
have been discharged from the eating disorders outpatient team back to
GP management again. I am giving this a go now. The interview has not
been done, but still it is incredible that I am going back to that when I
was not expected to leave that place.
I have thought about the
damage it did to me. My case is not the first case I have heard of
people with eating disorders leaving end stage treatment as not right
for them.
I did think when I needed a neighbour Jesus was
there, but I was still sleeping. He didn’t visit in person, but was
involved I think. It wouldn’t surprise me though somehow and being
supported by the breathe of God's Holy Spirit against my own failing one
via my nostrils or mouth-The breath and wind of God's Holy Spirit. None
of it was my own doing. My spirit has told me later that the Holy
Spirit is capable of reviving you and rescuiating you- the word "live"
the Bible tells us can awaken you.
Ezekiel 37- Thus saith the Lord God unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live.
God is doing his role as a righteous father and always has been and everything he has done is always good.I arrived home after Queen's hospital and the expectation for me moved to emcopass more of a quality of life approach which is self led and was confirmed through a meeting with a rector at church and my eating disorders team.
I don’t know why, it wasn’t my time obviously and God is my provider and I have had several eating disorder admissions in my lifetime and have gone through this. On ending this, I would say try not to worry about milestones too much, they will pass and I am saying this as historically they have concerned me too much. May be this is me now becoming a new creation, an old me is fading out and a new me is coming- (2 Corinthians 5:17).
I wish you all well.
Thanks be to God
Edited to add: 30th April 2025
Just to let you know I have been accepted as a hospital Chaplain volunteer my dream voluntary job and have started training and look forward to starting work and today I am soaring high and my parents are happy with my progress.
Me, shortly after leaving end of life care and being seen in outpatients in 2023
