I haven't written anything personally on my eating disorder for a few years now. I have made this update and judge it appropriate to post here. I am a Christian and will mention this in this post about me as it is important and a part of my life as well. I am also diagnosed with autism.
Below is my updated post and I have added some attachements. There can be light when the tunnel appears very dark.
This is a Lazarus story of its own
I have had an eating disorder since 14. I am 51 now. I am a Christian and have been pretty much all my life. I am not perfect, but I do try and I love my faith. I haven’t been a perfect church attender all my life due to illness largely, but the last number of years I have been going to church regularly since I was discharged from a community treatment order for anorexia.The return started for me in 2014, to have to break it to go to hospital in 2015 and then I was discharged in 2018 to outpatient treatment with intermittent admissions and would attend services around it to give thanks and say a private prayer and I was then taken off a Community Treatment Order in 2022.
We went through COVID and we all suffered. For me this unfortunately was hitting me turning to a new milestone. I was going to be 50 during it and I tried to take this milestone quite calmly but it overwhelmed me in the end. I did hope before COVID started to be settled down in a stable voluntary job before my 50th birthday. I also had to walk away from a voluntary job I wanted to do going into COVID that no longer met my needs when it drastically changed in operation to meet COVID needs. I tried to look for other jobs in the voluntary field and couldn’t obtain one. I hit my 50th birthday in March 2023 and was given a birthday party which I cherished but found difficult as well.
I also deteriorated rapidly physically with anorexia which I found difficult to comprehend as well.
My situation was adversely affected by COVID and unforntetly too many people with eating disorders were also adversely affected during this period as well.
I had several medical conditions as well and my eating disorder was determined as severe and enduring pretty much last stage. I went before a judge in the High Court with a team of legal people who defended me and my own team who stood by me and I am forever thankful for that.
The decision was reached and I entered hospice. It was expected that I would not get out. Family visited me and cried by my bedside and I couldn’t get myself up and was lifted by hoists. I fell into a sleep and wasn’t expected to awake. Family were called that I am within hours. Flowers were given and said to symbolise that I am passing over and my dad discarded the gesture. I was without breathes and my dad does a better recount on this for me.Members of several church communities were praying for me at the same time and people.
Before this I applied for a voluntary job in King’s as a Hospital Chaplain volunteer. I passed but found out in February 2023 that there was no role in the end. I think I must have been pretty devastated as soon after I entered the hospice thinking in downcast.
My BMI was well beyond life threatening.
Something happened in that third week and what I can tell you. I do not know for I was sleeping but an intervention from others had a part to play for sure, I woke up again and later was discharged to a medical hospital for refeeding, Queen’s hospital in Romford.
Now I am going to cut to today. It has been an up down ride and you know it is not perfect today and my faith is stronger.
Now who would have thought this and this is why I am posting. Now that position I wanted has become available again in my area two years on as a hospital Chaplain volunteer and I haven’t been for the interview. Who knows if they will consider me fit enough yet. I have made some headway with the numbers, but am not there yet. I have been discharged from the eating disorders outpatient team back to GP management again. I am giving this a go now. The interview has not been done, but still it is incredible that I am going back to that when I was not expected to leave that place.
Mistakes have been made and God knows them. I have thought about the damage it did to me. My case is not the first case I have heard of people with eating disorders leaving hospice as not right for them.
I did think when I needed a neighbour Jesus was there, but I was still sleeping. It wouldn’t surprise me though somehow and being supported by the breathe of God's Holy Spirit against my own failing one via my nostrils or mouth-The breath and wind of God's Holy Spirit.. None of it was my own doing. There are times shortly after I begged with God that it’s too much etc, God is doing his role as a righteous father and always has been and everything he has done is always good.
I arrived home after Queen's hospital and the expectation was soon established that I was still following a pallative pathway at home with a short anticipation of life remaining anticipated, which in the end moved to emcopass more of a quality of life approach which is self led and was confirmed through a meeting with a rector at church and my eating disorders team.
I have had some of my health conditions dramatically improve and I will copy what I wrote on that in my lifetime testimony. “Also, after taking the Eucharist and asking Jesus to heal one of my conditions experienced dramatic changes to that condition directly after. My very noisy nervous system was muted and became more manageable. There have been miracles recorded after taking this sacrament. Sometimes God also chooses to heal someone when they do not even ask as well as has occurred at Lourdes for example.” That particular episode it was scary for me and it was like I was being vibrated and moved and I just came down the steps of the church not left the grounds and felt much better which had been going for sometime significantly and I had one minor hmm (barely there) if even and never returned.
I don’t know why, it wasn’t my time obviously and God is my provider and I have had several eating disorder admissions in my lifetime and have gone through this. On ending this, I would say try not to worry about milestones too much, they will pass and I am saying this as historically they have concerned me too much. I wish you all well. The pictures can be clicked on and enlarged.
Thanks be to God
Ezekiel 37 Thus saith the Lord God unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live.
I have written about my faith and my story of journey of that can be read by following this link.
https://racheltestimony.blogspot.com/2022/09/my-testimony-of-gods-grace.html
Edited to add: 30th April 2025
Just to let you know I have been accepted as a hospital Chaplain volunteer my dream voluntary job and have started training and look forward to starting work.
The first Christmas lunch party with collegues I attended in my life in 2019 for Citizens Advice which I had to end up leaving due to a change in operation due to Covid. I am closet to the camera.
